If you are a Black female or any other ethnic minority, at some point and time you may consider dating outside of your race — possibly dating a White guy. Although I will provide a bit of advice and share some of my personal experiences relative to dating guys who happened to be White — I cannot tell you if it is a positive or negative course of action in the context of your life.
I will say that people are people — if you are new to interracial dating, you should definitely experience things for yourself to decide if it is for you.
Here are a few tips on dating White guys — as well as general interracial dating tips that may be helpful to you —
Being the First. If you encounter a man who has not dated a Black woman before — proceed with caution. I say this because if a person is not experienced with interracial dating, in many cases he is not equipped to deal with the social stresses involved with it.
Perhaps you are wondering what makes me any sort of authority on interracial dating? As a Black female, I have been dating interracially off an on since the age of 18 — I am now 30. Beyond that I have dated Americans, as well as men from other countries.
When I say proceed with caution relative to dating a White guy who has never dated a Black woman in the past — I actually have many White male friends who approach interracial dating, in the same manner that I do. I promise I am not trying to reinvent the wheel here. It is actually a fairly common practice for people who engage in interracial dating to not date a person, if the individual has never dated interracially in the past.
Why? It is a painful and stressful situation when you date a person and you truly care about them — but they are ashamed of your relationship. You find out later the individual is totally uncomfortable taking you around his or her family and friends, to business functions, etc — due to the hue of your skin — and because the individual’s comfort level is simply not there.
I fully realize we do have a Black/multiracial President in the White House, which is a major step for the US. I also know that when I go to dinner with a White guy here in Raleigh, NC — people still stare at us as if we were from Mars. I have had people walk past me when I am with a White guy and look at us — then do a double take — and even a triple take just to get another look. Or they simply stare at us as if we are two bettas in a tiny fish bowl — they stare — a LOT. It is actually funny at times. My point is that in some places when a Black woman dates a White guy it literally puts a spotlight on your relationship.
On the other hand, a Black guy with a White woman is not so noticeable for people where I live in NC, because people have been seeing it for years.
Seeing a Black woman with a White guy here is a rarity. While the pointing, staring, etc do not bother me in the least — it does quite often bother the newbie to interracial dating.
Here in the “Bible Belt” — generally speaking — people are very “old school” in terms of many things. If you live in certain parts of the United States — specifically the South — you may (or may not) share in my experience.
Based upon my dating history — I avoid being the “test run” for interracial dating with a White guy — or any guy who is not fully comfortable dating a Black woman. If you pay attention to your own intuition — you will be able to figure out his comfort level quite early during the dating process. I am not advising you to entirely avoid White guys who are newbies to interracial dating, but I am encouraging you to carefully observe what is going on with anyone you date.
LA, Miami, London, NYC — those cities provide an entirely different world. For the most part — people could not care less about interracial dating. I tend to utilize online dating sites like Match.com quite a bit in NC — because the social scene here is entirely different from the cities I named. I think online dating affords you the opportunity to take your time in getting to know a person. Who he is — what he stands for — and much more.
Understand the Learning Curve. Avoid expecting a White guy to automatically “get it” regarding what you experience in life in terms of discrimination (if you have ever dealt with it). When your skin has a darker hue — or you are Jewish, Muslim, etc — your entire perspective on discrimination is naturally going to be different when compared to a person who has never actually been faced with that sort of thing.
The learning curve certainly does not make interracial dating impossible for a Black woman and a White guy — it only means that additional communication and understanding are necessary — for both parties involved.
Be Open to Dating All Races Including Your Own. I have dated many wonderful men of various hues, nationalities, and races — Italian, Indian, Lebanese, Thai, Black American, British, etc. When I say dated — a lot of first dates in the majority of cases — nice guys — just not the one for me.
Regarding religion — I have been in serious relationships with Christians, a Muslim, and even a Buddhist. You know what I learned? A good man can be any religion — and any hue. Of course a bad one can too.
Do Not Expect a Cure-all. Do not approach interracial dating from the standpoint that because you cannot find the right Black man — that a random White guy will somehow be your saving grace. If you dated a Black guy who was a jerk — you may also meet a White guy who is just as bad — if not worse. Why?
Some men are jerks, others are wonderful, loving individuals who are marriage material. Dating is a mixed bag — it has nothing to do with the race you choose to date.
Generally speaking — finding a good guy of any race is challenging — if you have high standards and you are seeking real chemistry.
Take your time. Do not give up though — the right guy does exist!
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