Birth parents are often faced with a hard decision. If your adopted children have searched for and found you, you have to decide if you are going to actually meet them per their request. It is a hard decision because you first have to think about what is right for the children. The children are likely adults or teenagers when they begin the search for birth parents. That means that you are no longer dealing with children who don’t understand what they are looking for in their search for you. The next problem is that you have to be sure that you are ready to meet a child that you gave up for adoption.
What birth parents should consider when deciding whether to meet with birth children:
Best for the Child- Is meeting the child that you gave birth to what is best for the child. Referring to him/her as a child is only a reference to the fact that this is your child by birth. It probably is the best thing for the child if the child wants to know about his/her heritage and about the family background. It is usually not good if the child is looking for emotional ties that you can’t give him/her. If you aren’t ready to emotionally commit to your birth child, it is probably better to not meet him/her. The child doesn’t need to be hurt in this process.
Is it what is best for you?- Meeting the child that you gave up for adoption for the first time can be very emotional. Are you prepared for that? Along with the great feeling of knowing the child was well taken care of after being adopted, there will also be reservations. You could get a little too attached to a child who only wants to meet you to find out about his/her heritage without any ties at all. This could be heartbreaking for you if you are expecting more. There are several factors that are involved that will decide if you should really meet the child that you gave up for adoption.
Adoptive parents- It is important to note that someone else raised your baby when you gave the baby up for adoption. These people raised your baby as their own. It is important to take that into consideration when making your decision to meet your adopted children. It might be a good idea to call and talk to the adoptive parents before you actually meet the adopted child. That will give you a good idea where things stand with them in regards the their child’s search for their birth parents. They deserve some respect out of this situation.
After taking all of these things into consideration, you can make a wise choice as to whether or not your should meet birth children who were adopted. Everyone involved should have a say. Each person’s feelings need to be taken into consideration since this could be a very touchy situation. The main concern should always be with the child in question.