I hate Bailey Black. She is funnier than I ever can be and she did a great piece on 15 Signs It’s Time To Buy A New Car.( http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2912798/15_signs_that_its_time_to_buy_a_new.html?cat=27) And she started reminding me of all the bad cars I have owned. The sad part is all the following is based on cars I have owned:
1. You are afraid to shut your engine off as the car may not start again.
2. You always back into parking places just in case you have to jump- start the car.
3. Your ceiling cloth is held up by staples,
4. The car has more dimples than a golf ball .
5. You clean it out and found the newspaper saying the Titanic sank,
6. Your car doesn’t leak oil; it just has a self-changing oil system,
7. Your bumper is held on by a bungee cord.
8. You leave the keys in it and still nobody steals it,
9. You always park at the top of a hill, so you can roll down the hill and pop the clutch to get it started,
10. Your kids rather take the bus
11. Your feet gets wet when it rains because of that dang hole in the floor,
12. Your car is so old it only has an AM radio,
13. Your antenna is a coat hanger
14. Your tires are balder than Yul Brynner
15. Your car is a Rolls Hardly – rolls down one hill, hardly makes it up the next,
16. Who needs blinkers, just stick your hand out the window
17. Y our sun roof is where your roof rusted out
18. Who needs brakes?
19. You turn the radio up loud to cover that irritating grinding noise
20. You have a plastic sheet for a back window.
21. One wiper works – kind of.
22. Your dates always make you pick them up a block away from their house.
23. When going up hill, your car sounds asthmatic.
24. You have a flashlight to hold out the window just in case the headlights go out again.
25. Your air conditioning is a fan on the dashboard plugged into your lighter.
26. Your GPS system is a ten year old map on the back seat of the car which you can’t reach when you need it.
27. You can drive okay if you look below or above the crack in the windshield.
28. You threaten your kids that if they don’t behave , you will drive them around town.
29. One mirror is duct taped on, the other one is missing the glass.
30. Cops have to stop laughing before they give you a ticket.
31. Your dog won’t even ride in your car.
32. You save money on car washes. I mean, why bother.
33. The heat works well, in the summer.
34. The spray paint you used on that dent actually improved the look of the car.
35. You would put a bumper sticker on your car saying “Don’t laugh, it’s paid for”, but the bumper fell off five years ago.
36. You once had to drive home backwards as your transmission got stuck in reverse.
37. Hubcaps? Who has hubcaps?
38. You have to crawl in through the window on the driver’s side.
39. Your interior light dangles from the ceiling. That is okay as it doesn’t work anyway.
40. There is no cover on your brake or gas pedal. They are just bare metal.
41. Triple AAA laughs when you try to join.
42. Your car is so old it has its own AARP card.
43. The demolition derby turned your car down.
44. Your speedometer is stuck at 30. All the time.
45. Your gas gauge does not work, so you have to check the gas level with a stick.
46. New tires cost more than your car is worth.
47. You think about calling Dr. Kevorkian to put your car out of its misery.
48. Neighbors pay you to park your car on the next block.
49. The engine keeps shuttering and shaking twenty minutes after you turn it off.
50. Your repaired the holes in your muffler with aluminum foil and duct tape. It didn’t work.