Okay – we can all blame Bailey Black ( a VERY funny person) for giving me nightmares about cars I have owned and hated. Here are some more memories she stirred up about all the cars I have owned and hated:.
1.The car is the only thing your ex-wives didn’t want in the divorce.
2. You try to give the car to your teenage son but he would “rather walk.”
3. Bank officers laugh when you put the car down as an “asset”.
4.The muffler is held on by wire and hope.
5. When you hit a speed bump, parts keep falling off the car.
6. Hail damage actually improves the look of your car.
7. The car has made you religious – you pray it starts every morning.
8. You can’t park it by the curb or the junkman hauls it away.
9. You keep pretending the hole in the exhaust makes it sound like a race car.
10. It is like a dog – it marks its territory with oil, transmission and radiator leaks.
11. You hope you never have a flat, the lug nuts are rusted onto the car,
12. When you take it into the garage to get fixed the mechanic asks ” Why? “
13. Your daily work out is turning the steering wheel, the power steering pump went out 20,000 miles ago.
14, You will never be injured by an airbag going off. Airbags?
15. You never have to worry about being stopped for speeding.
16. Horn? You hand your head out the window and yell “LOOK OUT”.
17. Your eight- track stopped working twenty years ago.
18. Your dashboard has a crack deeper than the Grand Canyon.
19. You can’t adjust the seat. One size fits all drivers.
20. Your parking place at work is by the dumpster.
21. The car has more leaks than the CIA.
22. Even a crash test dummy doesn’t feel safe in your car.
23. They stop making replacement parts for your car ten years ago.
24. You couldn’t even trade up to a Yugo.
25. Cash for Junkers program ? The government wanted you to pay THEM.
26. You stay away from car washes, because the last time you drove through, your bumper fell off.
27. The only air conditioning is from all the rust holes in the car.
28. Your radio dial fell off and you use a dime inserted in the old radio dial to change stations.
29. If you don’t want to go over 50, three cylinders work just as well as four.
30. Your car’s name is Wheezer.
31. You seriously consider paying more than $400 for your next car,
32. You know she is not dating you for your money.