Welcome back. I am glad that we are here together and willing to continue our journey on a healthy path to communication in our relationships with family and our partners. Let us continue with step four and go from there:
4. Be willing to converse openly, honestly, and intimately.
Relationships that are lasting, close, loyal and committed, be it in a family that are willing to look to each other and partners that do the same -it takes courage. When you chose to be open to another human being, you are vulnerable and that is emotional intimacy. The beauty of it is it does allow you the safe place to be open and honest -knowing that is what you receive and where you can give freely; no front, no mask, just you. That is truth and that is love. All of this when done in a place from the heart, a loving space, is always with compassion -so it is a safe place and a respected place.
Negative response to avoid: Not responding when spoken to or shared with or asked how you feel or what is on your mind, or your response is, “nothing.”
A response like this is deliberately stone-walling your family member or partner. It’s telling them you don’t trust them and don’t want to be a part of their life or them a part of yours. It can also be your indicator that you don’t want the people you love to know any of your inner thoughts, ideas or concerns. If you feel you cannot share with anyone -its time for you to investigate what you are afraid of and why. Start questioning your own thinking; i.e. is it true I can’t trust my partner with how I feel about… (Fill in the blank)? How do I feel when I think that thought? How would I feel if I never had that thought? Turn the thought around to the opposite.
5. Relationships require humility in order to experience happiness at times.
There are times when we simply must look within, in order to see what is happening outside our selves. This also means we sometimes carry a false mental concept that we have to be in control of every situation, moment or circumstance in or life. Now that we are aware that it is false, as life simply happens, people are who they are and we still love anyway – we can and do love our family and partners just as they are. This is the act and requirement of humility; to truly accept another being as they are. No comparison to another being; intentionally look into their eyes to seek their heart while thinking in your own mind and heart, I love you -then you will know humility and they will know your pure love.
Negative response to avoid: Refusing to interact when family member or partner is trying to talk to you or comparing one family member or prior partner to present.
This can be a control issue to let your family member or partner know that no one makes you do what you don’t want to, when you don’t want to do it. We are in need of realizing on a deeper level that life will continue to happen, create, change and the people around us will continue to think for them selves, act, change and even our own bodies – doing the best or not, still does specific changes without our mental authority; there is a higher power at work, we are not in control. To try and deem control over another human being, is claiming your own insanity and preparing your demise in a potential loving relationship that you could have, if you change your mind.
In comparing people it denotes a lack of acceptance and expectations that the one being compared will never live up to and therefore is not acceptable and is considered “less than” in your eyes – in other words, the same as not worthy of your love or being heard or cared for in the same manner as the one being measured against. This tactic is particular damaging as it is long lasting on a mental and emotional level and unfortunately many people today use it almost unconsciously. Now we can become aware and realize what we are doing, since no one, when fully aware, would ever want to consciously and intentionally hurt someone they love or make them feel they have no value or worth because they were their own person and not like someone else. We live in a society that many are now waking up realizing the very thing we don’t want to encourage is to be like the crowd, but true to your talents, your abilities, your skills, your mannerisms, your behaviors and it is up to others to accept you. If you are not accepted by someone, they are not a true friend; at least this is what we teach our children -so are we practicing what we preach?
Let us be intentional about not hurting each other, but being more aware and intentional of acting out of respect, kindness and love towards the ones that are closest to us. Sometimes we treat a person that we consider a stranger with greater kindness, compassion and general regard than we do our own family members or spouses; yet those closes to us we proclaim we want to have nearby, we want to love and by love by -and hurt them without first pausing to be sure that is what we want to do. Even afterwards, we manage to justify it and only deepen those hurts, place further distance in communication -even though our heart is telling us to stop.Listen to your heart; its time. We will pause here and we’ll meet again for the conclusion of this series of “Can we talk, on part 4.”