Searching for your birth parents when you were adopted can fill you with hopes of knowing where you came from and why your were given up for adoption. It makes you feel as though you are finally going to be complete. The problem is, some birth parents have no desire to meet the children they placed for adoption. There are various reasons why this would happen. Whatever the reasons, it can deliver a crushing blow to the child who has been searching for their identity in their birth parents.
How to cope when you have searched for your birth parents and they don’t want to meet you:
Acceptance- There have been more than one case of adopted children who have searched for their birth parents only to find out that the birth parent don’t want to see them. That is a very disappointing moment for someone that thought they were finally going to meet the person that gave birth do them. This was a chance for closure. The most important thing you can do at this point is to accept the fact that your birth parents aren’t ready to meet you. It is usually not about you but personal feelings they have about the adoption that took place.
Don’t Take it Personally- This is probably the hardest part of the situation when you birth parents decide they don’t want to meet with you. Don’t take their denial of your request personally. There are reasons that you birth parents may not want to meet you. Those reasons may not make sense to you, but the demons are your birth parents, not yours. Don’t let it bring you down. You have had the fortunate circumstance of having been chosen by birth parents that love you. Not every child is that privileged. Most kids have to deal with the parents nature gave them.
Be Even More Thankful for Adoptive Parents- It might be time to reflect on your life with your adoptive parents and be thankful for the fact that you have had them in your life. They took the time to care for and raise you as parents care for their blood related children. They were there for you through every tear and through every triumph. They deserve a lot of credit and this is the time to show that to them more than ever before.
Counseling/Support Groups- Depending on how difficult a time you are having with the rejection from your birth parents, you may need to get some counseling or find a support group to help you through. There are many others in the same position as you are in that will be able to help you get through it. It is a huge disappointment and no one understands that better than those who have already dealt with the same feelings.
Sometimes the search for your birth parents turns out to be a huge disappointment because they decide they don’t want to meet you. It happens on many occasions so don’t feel that you are alone in the feelings you are dealing with. There are many other adopted children on the same quest as you and have ended up with the same disappointment. The good news is that you had great parents who raised you. They aren’t just your adoptive parents, they are your own parents and they love you more than anything else in the world.