I sat on the edge of the tub, my legs bouncing. ‘Stop getting your hopes up. This is only going to make it worse,’ I thought to myself as I waited for the little stick to reveal the plus or minus. I closed my eyes.
“I’m sorry. There’s no heartbeat. I wish I had better news,” I stared at the monitor at my lifeless child, my heart throbbing. Tears stung my eyes as the doctor continued to speak. I couldn’t hear him, I couldn’t see him. All I could see was my child. All I could hear was my shattering heart. I closed my eyes and turned from the screen.
I opened my eyes and reached for the stick that would change my life forever. The little pink plus stared out at me. My heart skipped. I immediately did another test. Another pink plus. A third test showed yet another pink plus.
I sat on the couch, waiting for my cousin to walk in the door. She was on her way home to the apartment we shared. I heard her key in the door. I waited. She stopped as she opened the door, “Why are you staring at me?”
“I have some news. Come sit down.”
“Okay, can I change first?”
“All right,” she hesitated but then made her way around the couch to sit on the ottoman, “What’s the news?”
I held up the little sticks all showing plus signs, “I’m pregnant.”
“This is so AWESOME!” She lunged across the small space between us and hugged me. I smiled at her exuberance. I was touched by her immediate support. “I get to be your birthing coach. I called it. It’s mine!”
“All right, it’s yours. You can be my birthing coach,” I chuckled at her claim. Something about this felt so right. I just knew this was meant to be.
“Okay, one more big push. Come on. You can do this,” the doctor told me as my cousin and my sisters coached me on. I pulled up and gave one more push and I heard the music that was my son. “Congratulations, mommy, you have a boy.” The doctor placed the little bundle in my arms and my world irrevocably changed in that second.
“I’ve been waiting a long time for you,” I told the little boy as he stared at me with the biggest, bluest eyes.
The nurse gasped as she saw him, “I’ve never seen one stare so long.”
“You did it, sweetie. Look at him,” my sister beside me told me. I didn’t hear them. I cried as this little thing stared so intently at me. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. All the pain that had been my life till this point was gone. I didn’t exist until he was placed in my arms. I was whole, complete. He wasn’t the only one born that day. I was born that day too.