The experience of suffering from Bi-Polar for years without help.
All my life spent walking in the shadows of others without ever feeling loved for myself. I felt my life pass me by before my very eyes without ever having the feeling of true love, care and contentment. Often I kept myself hid away in a small bedroom with curtains drawn and lights out. I was too afraid to get out and go to family outings for I knew they did not want me there. I realized that I was just an object for everyone to talk and laugh about. I never knew when someone would drop by and often was glad when they left. I worked for a while but soon I felt I did not belong and everyone was making fun. I knew that I better quit before I fired as the longer I stayed the more everyone realized that I was a huge problem. I stopped having friends back in my junior high school years. I manage to cut myself off from my cousins and even from my sisters and brothers. I saw others getting married, I so desperately wanted to do that, and have a family of my own but I knew that would not ever be possible. I saw some go off into the military and become a huge success not I. I heard some of my cousins graduated the University and were now working as successful business people, doctors, lawyers, etc. but not I. I wanted these things for myself not just walking in the shadows of the others.
Then one day I became very ill and a fellow worker stopped in too check how I was doing. Immediately, the ambulance called and I woke up in emergency. I was amazed to find that she was still there with so and me where a few others that I worked with along side some family members. That was a close it was a good thing my friend stopped by everyone told me. My friend a word I never thought that I would hear and that meant more to me than my condition. Everyday my friend stopped by and I found myself pouring out my feelings and my hurts until I began to cry. I cried for a while because these things were kept inside me for years. Then my friend told me that I was a very special person. That I had a great sense of humor and easy to like but would not ever let anyone get close enough to express feelings. She farther told me a secret that I was not alone. There are thousands of people just like me. I was advised about doctors with medicines that could help me made me feel much better.
Suddenly a cloud of worry and anxiety disappeared and I felt that finally I would no longer walk in the shadow of others. My friend explained all about being bi-polar, the needed medicines, and the group meetings with others like myself. Then she let me know that she too had suffered from the same disorder until a friend had introduced her to this special doctor a clinical psychologist where she learn about controlling her feelings during the different seasons and taking the proper medications. She also had a special psychologist who she could relay how she was feeling during stressful times. I now am no longer alone nor am I just a shadow of things to come. Thanks to one person who cared, I am married with five children and I wanted to share to others my life story so that they could find the help I did. This is a story of my friend but I did not want to mention her name as she has gone on and left us all behind and I often wonder if she had gotten the proper help if she would not of been alive today to tell the story in her way. Speaking for those who have Bi=Polar there is help out there and people do love and care about you. Unlock the door, walk into the sunshine. If you know someone who suffers from Bi-Polar don’t go and leave them alone, even if they are starting to take medication. They need your love and support to survive and go on with their lives.
Read more: http://www.healthmad.com/mental-health/walking-in-the-shadows