Many people in more recent years appear to have less belief in preparing for marriage. There are several reasons why you should prepare for marriage, though. First, building a permanent relationship with someone is incredibly hard, and the less hiccups and little glitches you have along the way, the easier it will be. Secondly, though, moving in with someone and mixing entire lives together and working out all of the kinks and details can be hard on the body, the mind and the psyche. Here are some rules to follow before you and your new husband join households.
Clean House. Whether it be his house or your home, you will need to prepare the place where you will both be living from here on out. This may seem like simple advice, but it is not. This is a complex process with multiple layers. First, determine where he spends or will be spending most of his time. This includes in front of the television, on his computer in your home office, or playing with the dog in the back yard. Determine his most comfortable and most time-consuming areas of the house. Pull your objects and belongings out of these areas, keep them well-organized and simple, and only allow his belongings to take up these areas of your home. Second, walk through the house, room by room, closet by closet, and determine where every little thing in your home will belong. Everything has a place and everything is in its place. Do not just plan to move things around. Do it.
Some rules need to be followed when putting everything in place to your liking. First of all, there may not be room for everything that you own. You may need to determine which items to donate to charity, and do a little scourging. Secondly, in order to find places for your stuff, do not fill up every available piece of shelf space. As lovely as centerpieces can be, get rid of all of your centerpieces. These objects break up clean, unbroken lines on flat, horizontal surface, and these surfaces should be left open. You will need to get rid of enough stuff to have several completely empty table or countertops in every single room in your house. Clean unbroken horizontal areas greatly add to the appearance of a clean house.
Dump Your Lovers. This may seem like a big “Duh!” but listen carefully. Many women, when moving out of past relationships, do not make a clean, respectful break. Either doors are left open and there is always an understood possibility of getting back together or relationships are ended during a big blow-out fight and there is no calm, quiet closure. Both of these extremes can reach out to bite you during your marriage. Exes can show up, expecting to be allowed back in to your life or bitter former boyfriends may still have things to say or belongings to collect. Make sure that you have cleaned out your relationships just as thoroughly as you have cleaned out your house. Listen to your past lovers calmly and respectfully if they have ongoing issues to discuss, give everyone back their belongings, and make sure all parties involved are aware that you are in this marriage for the long-haul.
Develop Yourself Emotionally and Mentally. One of the true tests of emotional maturity (as opposed to mental maturity) is your reaction. Seriously, if you have immediate, large or blown-out reactions to good or bad situations, you may need to grow some more before you are ready for marriage. Granted, codependent adults can live quite contentedly together, but you will be far more successful health-wise, financially and in your relationship if you keep growing your emotional maturity. Be succinct and decisive in your life, stopping to stand back and analyze a situation before you pass judgment, and remember to always separate yourself from your emotions when determining anything in your life.
Mentally, education, even outside of school, is one of the best ways to grow your emotional maturity and to also decrease your problems. The more you learn, the less overwhelming your problems in life will become. You do not necessarily need to sign up for classes in order to learn. Visit your local library, regularly watch videos on www.ted.com, take up a hobby and buy books on the subject, or take free online courses from universities on the internet.
Become Financially Stable. Did you know that the leading cause of divorce is financial ruin or instability? If you, your partner, or both are so disorganized and irresponsible financially to put massive strain on your marriage, this can easily and quickly split the two of you apart. Be completely honest with your husband about your debts, all of them, both personal and credit debts. Make a list of all money you owe to everyone in your life, all of your credit card or banking debt, and anything you feel you should pay to people, even if a debt is not on the table between you. Sit down with your husband, combine financial statements and talk about which debts you will pay off first and in what order. Also, remember to combine finances with your spouse, since separation of finances is one of the first documentable steps toward divorce!
Being married can be one of the hardest things in your life, or it can be one of the most fulfilling. Make a decision today for your marriage to be fulfilling and carry your weight on this relationship. Dirty houses, past relationships, emotional immaturity and financial ruin are the top worst strains on any marriage. Attack these situations head-on, become clean and organized, and you are well on your way to a successful future!