I know this is supposed to be all about Ali and her search for true love, but I’m worried about me and I’m afraid I’m going to get my heart broken. I’ll explain why in a bit. Tonight, Ali and her men had some very cool adventures in Iceland. I know that in real life, probably right after Ali and her assortment of guys left the country, all hell broke loose with Iceland’s economy and a spewing volcano. But while our Bachelorette was there, romance and adventure abounded. But by the end of the evening, just one bachelor was going to be sent packing.
It’s no surprise that Justin is the guy that I absolutely love. Okay, okay, I admit he’s not coming across as the most sincere of the bunch. But I just can’t get past his dynamite good looks and his incredible sexiness. Can I really be that shallow? I worry about me. Anyway, I keep waiting for Ali to get Justin one on one and plant a good one on his lips, but she’s looking every way but his way. I just don’t understand that.
Okay, let’s talk about tonight. The first one-on-one date was with Kirk. I have to admit that he came across very well. His harrowing story of being ill back in his college days due to mold and other assorted nasty things in his fraternity house, made for a very compelling story. I felt he was sincere though. Coming close to losing your very life has a way of making you appreciate the little things in life. And Kirk is extremely appreciative of being well and alive now and in close proximity to our girl, Ali. He makes a good impression and Ali has no problem offering him the rose, which of course he accepts.
Then there’s the dreaded group date. I know everybody tries to pretend they’re having loads of fun, but we all know they’re faking it in order to seem like they’re fun guys. This group date had to be especially difficult. I’m not sure what the hell they were doing. First we saw them riding some sort of beasts through the ice and snow and uphill. The animals appeared to be having a hard time. Then there was some sort of creepy cave they all went down. I don’t know about you, but plush hotel settings with fireplaces and assorted candles would be my idea of a fun date, not this stuff. Finally, Ali and the guys arrived at some surrealistic hot pool in the middle of the cold and ice. This is where I really felt sorry for the guys.
They were all bundled up, and Ali said she’d like to dive into the pool. She then proceeds to do a mini striptease where she sheds her Icelandic gear and ends up in a bikini. Oh the looks on the guys faces were priceless. A few of them took the cue and started stripping off their clothes in a hurry too. Eventually they all ended up in the pool with steam coming off the water. Ali spent some time with a few of the guys at the other end of the pool, which left the rest of them not being able to see her through the steam, but allowing them to hear her sexy giggling and letting their imaginations run wild.
Then there was the ominous two-on-one date with Kasey and Justin. This was like a lamb going to the slaughter. We all couldn’t wait for Kasey to show his tattooed wrist to Ali. After telling him last week to tone it down a bit, he decides, in his own demented mind, to get a tattoo. What was he thinking? He kept saying that he was there to “guard and protect her heart”. Doesn’t he realize he’s on a reality show where there are a bunch of other guys vying for her attention too? Who gave him the job of “guarding and protecting her heart”? Ali will guard and protect her own heart, thank you. But besides the creepiness of all that, I did feel sorry for Kasey since he seemed to be a very genuine man with strong feelings. I hope in real life he’s okay. At the end of that two-on-one date, Ali gave the rose to Justin and Kasey had to leave. Of course they dramatized it by leaving him stranded in the ice, while Ali and Justin lifted off into the sunset in the helicopter. But there was no romance or celebration in that helicopter. Nothing at all. Ali was too upset. In my own demented mind, I was hoping for some affection and smooching between Justin and Ali. I’ve been waiting for that for a long time, but there doesn’t seem to be much going on in that department. Unless. Unless the producers wants us to think there’s nothing going on. Hmmm. I can only hope.
As for the other guys, I think Ali is struggling with her feelings for Chris L. He’s a nice guy, but I think Ali wishes she wanted to jump his bones, but not quite feeling it. Then there’s Frank. Ali does like him, but a few of the other guys seem to be beating him out of the competition. Ty turned out to be a guy who’s very cute who I hadn’t noticed much before. I saw him tonight and was like “oh my, hellooooo”. Ty just might stick around since he was adorable and Ali seemed to like him too. Roberto is still a little hottie. He reminds me of a young Antonio Banderas who I’ve had a crush on ever since he was in Desperado and Zorro. Roberto is cute as a button and I think he and Ali make the cutest couple. I just hope he’s crazy about her, I’m just not sure. Who’s left? Oh yeah, Craig. He really cracked me up when he drew a pretend tattoo on his wrist to show to Ali. It really broke the ice. But the booby prize had to go to Chris N. We didn’t know much about him all along, but we did see Ali and him having some one-on-one time tonight and it didn’t go well. He tried to convince her he was funny, but we weren’t seeing it. And his love of Mexican food didn’t really impress us of his fervor for life and/or of Ali.
The rose ceremony, in my opinion, was quite predictable. Chris N. was the only bachelor to end up without a rose, and I understood that. So this week, it was Kasey and Chris N. who were sent home. It made sense.
My frustration comes from seeing all the guys, at one time or another, in some hot embrace and kissing Ali. But I haven’t seen Justin do that. I admit that I’m living vicariously through Ali here, so she owes it to me to do some lip tango with Justin so I can fulfill a fantasy. What is she waiting for? I’m really worried though. Did you see the previews for next week? Ali is really pissed at somebody, and since Justin is our resident bad boy, I have a bad feeling that it might be him. I hope not though. It looked like somebody was walking out and Ali was yelling after him. Oh please don’t let it be Justin. I want to see Justin and Ali with a little romance between them, but I have a sneaky feeling that I’m going to be left a little frustrated.
In the end, it’s all about Ali and her search for true love. I’m rooting for her, but I’m also mired in my own perverted world of having a crush on Justin. I’m pathetic, aren’t I? Don’t listen to me, Ali. Go with your heart. One of those other slightly boring guys will probably make a better suitor for you. Justin will probably only break your heart. But that will be after you and he have some really hot sex together. As you can see, I’m a lost cause. Don’t pay any attention to me. Ali, you’ll do better to listen to your own heart. We’ll tune in next week to see how things are going.