Pamela Gifford: Pamela sure knows a lot about a lot of things. She has a gazillion of articles online, links to Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and CNN. In addition to Associated Content, she’s on Examiner.com and has “a few” successful blogs. Well, I want to know if she’s so successful, why does she publish her fiction and poetry under a pen name. That sounds a little fishy to me….
Jennifer Waite: Jennifer is also an “Examiner”. Just what do these people “examine”, anyway? I ran into Jennifer at Carrabba’s, the romantic restaurant she wrote about, and I have to tell ya, I don’t think she was examining those grapevines. I think she was gnawing on them.
Tal Boldo: I haven’t read all of Tal’s bio yet. I got halfway through and my lips got tired. She’s been a plumber, electrician, painter, and deck builder. When she gets done with those things, she reads poetry, plays piano, rescues dogs, discovers restaurants and writes. Oh yeah? Well, I once lit a cigarette on the back of a Harley while holding a full to the brim martini.
Crystal Ray: Crystal says she’s happy. Well, she otta be. With half a gazillion page reads and all those badges, I’d be as giddy as a prostitute at the “Watergate”. I think writing about sanitizing her toothbrush was a crock, though. With all her success, does anyone believe she couldn’t afford a new one?
Lyn Lomasi: I couldn’t find too much on Lyn, and if I had I couldn’t spill the beans anyway. My old saying, “never bite the hand that helps you” would apply because God knows, I’ve bugged her enough times for help. There was that rumor about Lyn and her mother spray painting Houston porta-potties…..
VS Lee: VS welcomes constructive criticism. Okay, as I understand it, a writer, who shall remain nameless, criticized her article on “The Ultimate Red Light”. I..oops, I mean the writer suggested she had been puffing on that “weed” she later wrote about, because no one saw that red light she talked about. I mean, it would have made the news, no? She didn’t take my criticism well, though, and started mumbling about a zombie uprising. I think she needs some time off.
Betty Alexander: Betty writes a lot about Dancing with the Stars. She calls it DWTS, (which I first thought was a social disease) and other popular TV shows. I found out the reason she is so partial to DWTS is because our own Betty was once a Radio City Rockette! Her career was short lived, sadly, when her feather hat slipped and temporarily blinded her. She slid off the stage during a particularly wild number, and took out three orchestra members.
Sheri Harper: Sheri worked in the aviation industry for 20 years, as a systems analyst/architect. I have yet to discover exactly what that means, but her articles lead me to believe she might be building an “ark” like in the movie “2012”. I called her to ask if there would be room for her Associated Content friends. She hung up on me when I mentioned “ark”. Very strange.
Lois Lunsford:Lois and hubby live outside of Galt, which right next to Galt’s Gulch! I have uncovered information that “hubby” is none other than the elusive John Galt, who has been under protective custody since Atlas Shrugged. Lois should be more careful with her notoriety. When she wrote about reaching clout 7, I understand many AC people got a visit from two “suits” from the government.
Jen Wagner: I think Jen has us all hoodwinked. Her specialty seems to be “How to” do just about anything, and home décor and design, but don’t let her fool you. Underneath that façade lies a truly perverted woman just waiting for the opportunity to titillate us with trashy little gems like a product review of the “Trojan Vibrating Mini”, or educate out filthy minds with “A Cream for Erectile Dysfunction”. I understand she also writes as “A Fourth Grade Nothing” which is nothing but a front for “Penthouse”.
Judy Kaelin: Judy is retired, and I would hope so, after fifteen years in the administrative offices of a school district. That’s as bad, if not worse, than 40 years in the post office. Alternative health is an interest of hers, but I’m not sure what that means. Doesn’t alternate health mean one day you’re good, next day you feel like crap? I think she makes up a lot of natural remedies, too. Who ever heard of “pycnogenol” or “uva ursi”. Come on, Judy, waddaya think, we’re stoopid?
Valerie Ferrari: Valerie runs websites for people who work for famous entertainers. I’m no Einstein, but doesn’t that smack of being “connected”? She sure seems to get the dirt on a lot of stars. I mean, she knew about Cameron Douglas’ sentence before the judge did, for crying out loud….
RK LoBello: Now, wait a minute. I’m confused about RK. Is her name Richard Karen? Or is his name Karen Richard? Well, whatever, I think I ran into R&K when they were dealers out in Vegas. I don’t want to say anything derogatory about my teammate (s), but…That’s called double dealing where I come from. GIMME MY MONEY BACK!