John Meyers: As I understand it, John did not leave Canada voluntarily, as we were led to believe in his “Oh Canada” series. Seems he failed to mention the dust up involving the snowshoes he clipped from the old Indian’s tee-pee. When the RCMP cornered him, he broke into his Nelson Eddy impression, and because of his moving tribute, all charges were dropped.
Kim Linton: Holy Spicoli, Kim’s bio makes mine look like I should have box printed it in crayon, for crying out loud. I keep looking for some dirty little secret about her, but haven’t found one yet, although I think she misspelled “nice” in her biography. She put an “h” in there between the “c” and the “e”. See? Nobody’s perfect!
Han VanMeegerin: Many of you may not know this, but in his spare time, Han organizes marathons the world over, is a consultant for “The Amazing Race”, and has just signed a huge contract with Nike. He’s replacing that golfer whatsizname.
Snidely Whiplash: I recently was invited to dinner at Nancy Pelosi’s estate, and was leafing through one of her photo albums, killing some time waiting for Harry to show. There on page 2,396 was a grainy photo of none other than our own Whippy and Nancy, whooping it up in Woodstock. When I asked her about it she smiled broadly, and boy, do I mean broadly, and mumbled something about a chopper and a lip lock on the exhaust pipe.
Victoria Leigh Miller: I just don’t know how one person can know so much about the world of entertainment. I still get Mickey Rooney mixed up with Mickey Mouse. Anyway, a little birdie told me that Victoria had the opportunity to replace judge Paula on American Idol, but turned it down. She couldn’t do the “seal slap”.
Karen Gros: Karen’s biography is a little discombobulated. I think what she really means is that she has been published in outline inlets and likes chicken soup. No, that’s not right. She has published a chicken, outlined a book, and was a playgirl centerfold. Uh, wait…she’s a country girl who likes soup!
Julia Bodeeb: Julia says she sold jokes to a major comic, and I found out which one, knowing you all would be dying to know just who she’s in cahoots with. You didn’t hear it from me, but Julia writes for Sarah Palin! Can you believe it? Oh, wait, maybe it was Tina Fey. Heck, I can’t remember now. Which one’s the comic?
Nik Minor: Now this girl is a dichotomy. Here is a writer of few words. Her biography is exactly ten words counting “a” and “and”. I have found it best not to mess with women that see no need to toot their own horns, and I’m thinking Nik is one of those women. I don’t understand any of those technical articles she writes, but I don’t dare not to read them.
Donald Pennington: aka Mr. Peppington, Donald Pellington, and Don Perrington. Donald has topped Associated Content’s most wanted list for a few months, but refuses to stay in one place long enough for anyone to track him down. The last sighting was in Washington where he was spotted mooning six members of congress attending a prayer luncheon.
Shana Dines: Shana does a little bit of everything. Well, actually she does a lot of everything. Not only is she a fascinating writer, but her artwork is outstanding. She teaches watercolors and other mediums. She writes children’s books. And she even admits to making a mistake. I know this because she wrote about it. Curious as to what mistake this talented, outstanding woman could possibly make? Think I’m gonna just tell you guys? Hah! Not on your life. Read about Shana’s “mistake” yourself. Here.
Allyson Scully: Yes, it’s the middle child. The one that loves to drive me crazy. She wrote one poem about her “Papa” and how she misses him, probably when I had exiled her to her room for bugging me. She needs a spelling lesson, but I could learn a thing or two from her about emotion.
Read more dirty little secrets here, here, and here