Michelle Starkey: Now, just between you and me, I think Michelle might bend an elbow now and then. I mean, every time she leaves a comment, she ends it with a toast. “Cheers!” Remember, you didn’t hear that from me. And it could just be tea that she’s sipping…all day long….and most of the night….
Sue Gibson: Sue is a grandmother. She throws Frisbees, shoots hoops, and plays pitch with her grandchildren. Is she nuts? Did she have her kids at the ripe old age of six? Someone needs to tell her to calm down and act her age. She’s making the rest of us look bad.
Janet Hunt: Don’t talented, sweet, self motivated people make you mad? She writes (beautifully) as a freelance professional, works in the insurance industry, is a full time student, and manages to raise her family. Mother of God, I bet she also makes her own clothes and cooks dinners. Sheesh. And she’s pretty, to boot. Hummmph.
Charlotte Kuchinsky: I get tired just reading her profile. How can anyone squeeze all those accomplishments into a lifetime? It’s obvious why she’s a beauty specialist, but just what does she mean when she says she was “picked up” by a Brit??? Oh, and you people do realize I lent her most of those badges?
Abby Greenhill: Green has recently told us she would not be publishing as often, as she intended to “enjoy life”. Well, I’m here to tell ya, she sure seems to be doing just that. Not only has she been spotted by local paparazzi bobbing around in her pool close to buck naked, but I also understand Mr. Green has been on line researching “lap dancing”. Well, I say…..you go girl!
Cathy Montville: An AC Community Guide, small business owner, news correspondent, news reporter, and freelancer whose entire profile is written in the third person. Or maybe she has a “ghost” writer. I dunno, third person bios lend the opportunity for deniability, don’t they? I think so, and that explains why she can’t possibly be from Massachusetts. She’s too smart.
T. Hillukka: I feel as though I should apologize to Tonya. I misunderstand her “Vending Machines for Dogs” article, and got into a bit of a dust up at the bowling alley when I sent Trouble over to get me a soda. The cops are a bit behind the times here, I guess. Sorry about the subpoena, Tonya.
Thomas Lane: I think Thomas might be the long lost brother of John Lane, of Ogunquit Playhouse fame. John retired in 1994 and lost his marbles shortly after. It is rumored he frequently can be heard singing dirty ditties his brother taught him. Swilling scotch by the barrel, he adamantly blames his brother “Thomas” for convincing him to produce the musical “The Dzme Apocrypha”, which failed because no one knew what it meant. John much preferred “Odd Man Out”. Hell, up here, everybody knows what that means.
Pattie Byrd: I love Pattie, don’t get me wrong, but I was flipping through some old (and boy do I mean old) movie channels a while back, and I thought I saw a familiar face swinging around a pole. She was easily recognizable as she was the dancer that flew off the pole a few times when her scarves got caught up in her stilettos. Well, at least she chose writing over Mississippi mud wrestling, after her dancing career came to an abrupt halt with that nasty crash into Fred Astaire.
Steven West: I had to do some searching on this one, but I finally uncovered Steven’s dirty little secret. All this time, he has been participating in a government experiment to determine what happens to a brain after working in the public school system over a period of time. Actually, this explains a lot.
Vincent Summers: Vince is a brilliant guy, no doubt about it, but that’s what bothers me. I mean, how would we know if gas molecules really move faster when heated? He says they do, so I guess we’ll just have to take his word for it. I know of a few “gas molecules” I wish had moved faster than they did, but that’s another story. I dunno, Vince leaves me in the dust quite often, but he sure seems to doing just fine without me.
Johnny Yuma: Johnny is a good ol’ boy for sure. He’s a big fan of country music, and I wondered where he got the ideas for his poetry and songs. Well, now I know. Hank Williams is alive and well, writing lyrics under the name of….you guessed it. Our own Johnny Yuma!
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