New relationships often move very fast, within a few weeks you may feel like you have found the perfect partner. However, your feelings of “love” may actually be infatuation, which can leave you wondering why you feel for this person to begin with. Relationships that start fast can leave you joined at the hip with your current partner, but that does not necessarily mean that they are the right match for you. Having gone through this experience numerous times, I will offer advice from a male’s perspective on why falling in love too fast is a negative experience for a relationship, and the common warning signs.
Do you do everything with your new partner?
A common sign that you are moving too fast in a relationship is that you do every activity with your new partner. This includes eating together, showering together, sleeping together and spending every waking minute that you can with them. This may seem great at first, you finally found someone you can connect to, however, this is a common sign of infatuation rather than love. The person may seem great at first, but do you really know everything about them, or is the relationship moving fast because you both want a commitment? These two questions are important to ask yourself because if you are really in love, you will care for that person for both their good and bad qualities.
Doing everything with your partner is not necessarily a bad thing, but you have to ask yourself if the relationship is moving fast because you both instantly connected, or if you both are settling for the first thing that comes your way. This is a hard question to ask because you have to look deeply at the relationship, by determining how well you truly know your partner. By this I mean understanding what they want for the future and how you work into that plan, not merely that they want a relationship and you were the first one to treat them right. I have been in this experience numerous times where I have had girls head over heels for me, but once I explained to them that it was infatuation and that they barely knew me, it was made clear that they just wanted a relationship and were unsure of what they wanted for themselves.
Do you REALLY know your partner?
We are not talking about their favorite color, favorite TV show, or hobbies, but rather their inner person. Getting to know your partner takes time and observation, as well as discussion about what past events shaped them into who they are today. If someone were to ask you why your partner majored in English in college for example, you should be able to tell them exactly what sparked that interest, such as their favorite novel or teacher. Truly getting to know someone takes months if not years and involves more than just pillow talk and conversation. As individuals, we rarely think about what has shaped us, or what our deepest fears and secrets are. However, these are important qualities to know if you want to understand someone. Before you claim that, you are in love, you should take a step back and look at the bigger picture, such as how this person fits into your life and if they are actually someone worth falling in love for based on their personality and inner person, rather than the need to not be alone.
Are you comfortable single?
One of the questions I always ask when giving relationship advice in person or by email is if the person is comfortable single. In order to be in a healthy, loving relationship you must love yourself and be comfortable without the need of a relationship. Many of us brush past this fact and want instant gratification with a new fling, or potential love. However, this type of behavior is dangerous to your love life because if you are not comfortable and happy being single, your relationship will not last because insecurities and your needy feeling will be offsetting to your partner.
