Twenty – two years ago, my wife Bonnie and I met at a most unlikely time in my life. I was single and enjoying it – much too much – when we met. At first, neither of us gave each other a second look. She thought I was an arrogant so and so. I thought she was just another face in the continuing drama of my life.
One afternoon months after we met, we noticed we were talking to each other and wondered why. Bonnie had decided that maybe being arrogant was my way of keeping people at a distance. I had decided that she was not just another face in my continuing drama. Somehow, she – we had become something more.
We were talking about our hopes, our dreams, our pain, our challenges and our disappointments. After that day, our conversations came easier. When I noticed that she was down, I took on the feeling. When she observed me not at my best, she was intentionally concerned.
I really did not see it coming. Then it happened. I was caring about a woman and developing feelings for her. This was not on my agenda. I was having a difficult enough time managing my own life. I could not see how a relationship was going to work into my already complicated life.
I wanted to avoid her, but wouldn’t. I tried to avoid her, but couldn’t. I tried to occupy my thoughts with other things and other people. It didn’t work.
What I was working so very hard to avoid then confronted me face to face. Bonnie told me one afternoon that it was clear to her that she believed we could do well together. I tried to play it off. Then she lowered the boom, she said, “I love you.”
I went into a tantrum. I had to create a reason for her to wish she had never had that thought. Why is it that when you pray for something for a lifetime that it scares you when it shows up? I had to sit down. Nothing I was saying was running her away.
I finally realized what I would need to do to drive her away. I needed to convince her that I was a bad investment. I told her that I was a bad short term investment.
She responded, “And what kind of short term investment do you think I am? I’ve nothing to offer you but my love. I do believe that we could do well together.”
I told her I needed to confer with myself. I had to come up with something. I felt I had to get out and get some air.
I did not see Bonnie or talk to her for a couple of days. I needed to search myself and find out what was going on in me. I did think I was a bad short term investment but knew in my heart that I was a good long term investment.
I began to ask myself what I was afraid of. It seemed I was really only afraid of my own thoughts of a potentially successful loving relationship. I decided that I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.
The next time we saw each other, I asked if we could talk. I shared my concerns about being a bad short term investment. I also shared some personal insecurity as a result of messed up previous relationships and the painful hurts that followed. Both of us seemed to have more than enough of those to go around, but agreed we would walk slow and see where life and love would take us, believing love is a good long term investment.
Ten married years later, I now wonder what was on my mind back then. These have been the greatest ten years of my life. Have I, has she, have we made mistakes? Have we on occasion gotten on each other’s last nerve? Do we believe we are a good long term investment? Do we love each other more than we understand? Yes, is the answer to all the above.
I ask you to consider this question of yourself. Are you a good investment? Are you a good short term investment to yourself and others? Are you a good long term investment to yourself and others?
I am sure you are as long as you believe in yourself and trust that love is always a good investment. I am sure you are as long as you believe in yourself and trust that love is always a good long term investment.
If you haven’t already, start investing in yourself and love today. You can do this and you will be glad you did. Begin by investing in loving yourself. When you know your love is worth investing in to yourself, you will know you have something of real worth to share.
