If you are an adopted child who is in search of your birth parents, it is important to remember that you are likely putting your adoptive parents a bit on edge. That is not the purpose of your search and in their hearts they know that, but you should be aware of the feelings that your adoptive parents may have while you are searching for your birth parents.
These are the effects on adoptive parents when adopted children are in search of their birth parents:
Losing You- Your adoptive parents are likely to be most upset at the idea of losing you. Even though they may know in their hearts that they could never lose your love and respect, it still goes through their mind. Your adoptive parents consider you as their own child. When their adopted child searches for his/her birth parents, there is a good chance that your adopted parents will see it as though you weren’t happy with the way they raised you. This is usually just an insecurity that the adoptive parents may have about you looking for your birth parents, but it is a real feeling.
Not Sure of your Feelings- Your adoptive parents are probably going to wonder what your feelings are about them and about your reasons for wanting to meet your birth parents. It is up to you to help them understand your reasons for wanting to meet your birth parents. Be honest with them to help set their minds at ease that you have no intentions of getting a new set of parents. You simply want to meet your birth parents in order to get a better understanding of where you came from and natural interests in why you were put up for adoption among other things. Reassure your adoptive parents that you appreciate that they adopted and raised you as their own so they feel comfortable with your search for your birth parents.
Sharing/Jealousy- A little bit of jealousy may occur in your adoptive parents when you begin your search for your birth parents. They may feel as though they are being pushed aside a bit for people who gave you up. This is a natural feeling, though not all adoptive parents will feel this way, some do. As their child, you should do everything you can to reassure them that you know who raised you and invested their own lives in yours. Jealousy in the adoptive parents when you are searching for birth parents doesn’t necessarily last long, but it can be an issue.
Your adoptive parents are human and therefore subject to having some negative feelings about your search for your birth parents. Don’t get upset with them. Instead, give them understanding about what they are going through. They are subject to having some insecurities because of the circumstances. There is no reason that you have to sacrifice your adoptive parents feelings in order to search for you birth parents.