Adopting a child is a blessing for those who have not been able to conceive their own child. The process of adoption is very arduous though. It takes a lot of money and patience to finally see the results of it. In generations past, adoptions were more cut and dry. Once the adoption papers were signed, the baby went with his new mother and father and that was the end of it. Things have changed though. The laws now allow the birth parents to more easily take the child back from his/her adoptive parents. In such cases, it is important that adoptive parents be prepared to cope when the birth parents want their baby back.
How adoptive parents can cope when birth parents want baby back:
Fight the process if possible- If there are any questions as to whether the birth parents still have the right to claim their baby back, you can consider getting a lawyer to find out for sure. If your lawyer truly believes that you have a case, then pursue the matter in court. There are no guarantees of the outcome. The process can be long and you have to be willing to deal with that drawn out process. If you are, then this might be the perfect solution for you.
Let Go- Losing an adopted child is just as bad as losing a blood related child. It is heartbreaking and difficult to bear. For the sake of the baby, it is extremely important that you learn to let go without causing a scene. If the courts state that you must give the baby back to the birth parents, you can make it very difficult for the baby if you make a scene that won’t change anything. Whatever you are feeling can be hashed out later. Say your goodbyes to the baby and let the baby go with the birth parents in peace.
Grieve- It is utterly important that you take the time to grieve when the birth parents have decided they want the baby back. Grieving is part of the process. No, the child did not die, but the child is gone from your life. The grieving process is important in order for you to move on in your life. A person doesn’t have to die in order for us to grieve it. It only has to be gone from our lives for what we perceive as forever. If you have been given a child to adopt and then someone takes that child back, you have evyer right to feel the loss and grieve it. In fact, it is one of the most important things that you can do.
Rely on One Another- You and your spouse need support during this time. Each of you will have different feelings from one another about the situation, but there will be similar feelings as well. Lean on each other to get through this difficult time. Losing a child is never easy no matter what the circumstances are. This case is no different. Rely on each other to talk through your difficult moments and show understanding of the situation for each other.
The Future- When you have had time to grieve, you may realize that there is a time and season for everything. Although this particular adoption didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that the next one won’t. Most children that are put up for adoption will remain with the adoptive parents to be raised. Birth parents usually give up their children because they can be given a better life that way. What the parent has to offer at the time they have their child is very little. Often times, the education of the person that has the child isn’t completed. In fact, many of these mother’s still live with their own parents. Since the birth parents have put a great deal of consideration into placing the baby for adoption, they are generally left to live their lives. Don’t give up on the idea of adoption just yet. Where one door closes another one opens. You just have to wait for your door to open.
It is hard to cope when adoptive parents are asked to give up a baby that they have invested their hearts in. It will affect you as though you had lost the baby due to death because the baby is gone from your lives forever. Don’t let that stop you from having hope of raising a child. Never close the doors of opportunity because another chance will arise.