In the second part of the series, the heel turn part of my mind tells you why the 2014 Super Bowl will crash and burn. Read the first part of the series here.
Funny thing about the good old days; nobody ever sits to think why they’re old instead of just “the days.” You know why they’re old? Because plenty about those times absolutely sucked. Four fuzzy channels on your black and white TV. A major war that involved this country once a decade (at least). Cartoon characters selling cigarettes.
The same is true with the “good old days” of sports. Run down stadiums with horrible sightlines. Owners treating their players like dirt and the players not having any rights whatsoever. The teams with the most money winning every championship.
OK. Some things never change.
This leads us to Super Bowl 2014. It was a foregone conclusion for at least three months that the NFL was going to award Super Bowl 2014 to the NY/NJ bid. The official announcement came last Tuesday, to the delight of many Jets and Giants fans in the NYC/NJ area. For the first time in NFL history, a Super Bowl will be played in a “cold weather client.”
What a ridiculously stupid idea. Super Bowl 2014 is being heralded as the game where “football gets back to its roots.” “The Super Bowl as it was meant to be.” “The fans’ Super Bowl.” The NFL obviously failed to consider one thing. Giving the fans exactly what they want is hardly ever a good idea. Why?
Because sports fans, like those with radical religious beliefs, are immensely stupid. Combined, they make for the dumbest sect of individuals walking the earth. Think about the most diehard sports fan that you know. The idiot paints himself, often times to sit outside in freezing weather with his shirt off, and gets laughed at by a nationwide television audience. And he’s proud to do so. Sports fans yell at a television set. The sports fan spends hours listening to sports talk radio, hoping to hear just one person that shares his opinion.
“Honey, Jim from Long Island agrees with me that the Mets should fire Omar Minaya. I knew I was right!”
This, like other infamous idiotic decisions, will blow up in the NFL’s face. I guarantee that in Spring 2014, legions of sports fans will be clamoring for the “good old days” of the NFL, when Super Bowls were played in 75 degree weather or, better yet, a dome. Sports fans are never happy. Other than right after his team won a championship, when’s the last time you met or spoke with a happy sports fan?
Exactly.
The stupidest people of all when it comes to this whole Super Bowl 2014 in New York thing are Jets and Giants fans. Tons of New York football fans are praying that the Giants and Jets face off in Super Bowl XLVIII. Let’s take a look at the two teams. Unless some unforeseen catastrophe hits the Giants and/or the Jets, the quarterbacks for both teams today will likely be the quarterbacks for those teams in February 2014.
So you want Eli Manning to face off against Mark Sanchez. In New Jersey. In February. Just phenomenal. A combined quarterback rating of 95. Maybe.
Another thing for all of you dreaming of a Super Snow Bowl. The average temperature in the area for the month of February is between 40 and 50 degrees. And it rains in New Jersey in February. Quite a bit. You won’t be seeing big fluffy flakes on the night of Super Bowl XLVIII. No, the 2014 Super Bowl will start out at about 48 degrees. With a light mist. A few hours later, the temperature will drop to roughly 40 degrees as the rain picks up. By the fourth quarter, sleet and ice will cover the football field.
That’s certainly the type of weather I want a championship to be decided in. The word “championship” is often times lost when discussing the Super Bowl, mainly because the Super Bowl is such a big event itself that we forget there are athletes participating in the game who have waited their whole lives for those 60 minutes on the field. To rob them of a competitive game for your sick amusement is, well, robbery. It’s not the fault of the athletes that you never made it past junior high place kicker. Don’t take it out on the men actually playing in the Super Bowl.
How bad can a rain-soaked Super Bowl really be? You may remember such abominations as Super Bowl XLI, one of the ugliest to ever be played. For those of you praying for a snowy Super Bowl night, I give you Browns-Bills highlights from a few years back. That’s not the type of weather for a title game. That’s the weather you send your kids out in so they go to bed earlier than normal, allowing you and your wife to roast some chestnuts on the ol’ open fire.
It’s all for naught, though, as your wish has been granted. Super Bowl 2014 will be played at the new Meadowlands Stadium. Super Bowl XLVIII won’t be a “be careful what you wish for” moment. You won’t even hear an “I told you so” from me. Deep down, in your mind and in your heart, you know that a cold weather Super Bowl is as dumb an idea as I’ve said.
I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.
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