Anyone with dating experience will recognize that, sometimes, you end up in the friend zone with your crush. The woman of your dreams doesn’t think of you sexually, but rather only as a friend.
When this happens, there are a few good strategies to employ in order to get out of the friendzone. In my experience, these are the best ways to get that ‘friend’ to see you as a sexually attractive human being.
First, the most obvious and most effective – do not get in the friend zone to begin with. As the popular saying goes, an ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure.
How to avoid the friend zone in the first place? Communicate what you want and be prepared to move on from rejection. For beginners, it is one thousand times easier to prevent the friend zone than to get out of the friend zone.
I will agree that the friend zone position has advantages, especially if you are advanced enough to understand it.
To repeat, do not get in the friend zone.
What I mean by this is, once you’ve met a girl and been comfortable around her, you need to catch the situation before you wind up as a friend. If you can’t catch it, you’ve lost.
There are a lot of strategies for handling this, but the simplest and most obvious one is to say:
“I think I like you.”
If she says something like “We should just be friends”, tell her, in a kind voice:
“I understand. I am too attracted to you to continue this friendship. Thank you for hanging out with me, but goodbye.”
And move on, without anger.
When initially meeting a new girl, most guys will supplicate and wind up LJBF. This behavior has been written about extensively in pick-up culture, notably in the archives of ASF.
I’ll describe this in a casual dating format – this is not strategy for club game, this is basic information.
First off, don’t be needy. Don’t hang around desperate for attention. Don’t give someone what they want all at once. Be a little mysterious, don’t be afraid to put a little space in between yourself and the person you want to date.
Don’t be afraid to be a little sassy – try teasing a little bit.
Secondly, make and break rapport. When you’re vibing with someone, and learning about their likes and dislikes you want to disagree on some things and agree on others. The reason being that you need a little bit of friction for attraction to occur.
Here’s a simple example.
“I love music, what’s your favorite band?”
“Radiohead! My favorite album is The Bends.”
“Really? I hate that album. What else do you like?”
“How about OK Computer?”
“Oh yes, I love that album!”
This happens all the time when meeting someone new. If you disagree even a little bit, it creates space for further action. It doesn’t always play out like theory, so keep calm and move the conversation forwards.
If you agree with someone on EVERYTHING, you will get bored extremely fast.
If you disagree with someone about everything, they are your enemy.
Thirdly, take a chance and make a move. For men, I sincerely believe that it’s better to be forward and make a move immediately rather than keep those feelings inside.
Even if it’s just a small move forward, you can get things moving in a romantic direction.
“You know, you’re cute. Let’s hang out.”
Along with this a simple statement of interest, I also suggest some simple kino. Here is a few good way to express interest and not creep out the person you want to date.
The Shoulder to Shoulder
Essentially, sit next to the person you want to date, and press your shoulder against them gently. Side-by-side. Don’t put your arm around them until some comfort has been built, just sit and talk and feel your bodies touching.
You can then move the arm around or lean your head on their shoulder.
The whole point is that you’re doing this to be comfortable, and calm. Casual friends do not do this.
Be prepared for failure, and learn how to accept rejection – a big reason why most men AND women end up in the friend zone is that they are afraid of rejection. Life is a lot better if you take the risk and move on; imagine what it would be like to date that beautiful person that you want? There are plenty of great people out there who would love to go out with you, even if you are the smelliest, lowest self-esteem jerk in the world, so don’t sweat it. It just takes time to find someone who is right for you; it’s hard to change people’s minds once they’re made up.
Ok, so you wound up in the friend zone, what now?
You may be listening to your crush tell you all about their romantic problems like some sort of therapist. You want to tell them that everything will be ok, and that they’re justified in feeling a certain way.
Consider the following: you are going to have to risk the friendship if you want it to be romantic. What are you getting out of the situation? Rides? Food?
Who will be affected by this loss of friendship? Are you willing to split up your social group and lose other people’s friendship also?
If you don’t mind your current situation, and don’t plan on waking up, please continue what you’re doing and disregard the rest of this article.
However, if you want to have real romance, and real adventures, then you’re going to have to take a risk. Tell your friend how you feel; ask her out on a date.
If she says no, take the rejection in stride and move on.
Step 1 – Date other women in front of her
Don’t be gross about it, just go out and meet other women. Kiss another girl like you mean it. You don’t have to be directly in front of her, just make sure she’s aware of the fact that you are kissing another girl.
Step 2 – Communicate your feelings
Explain how you feel about women. What turns you on? What kind of girls are you attracted to? Talk about it when you see attractive women; in details.
“That brunette with high heels, I couldn’t stop staring. The things I’d do!”
You never know, your ‘friend’ might be a good wing-woman. She may even introduce you to girls!
Step 3 – Frame it like you are choosing to be in the friend zone
Tell your crush things like “Good thing we’re just friends. I don’t like all the sexual drama that goes along with dating. We don’t have that sexual vibe and I’m glad.” Say this congruently or it’s weird. You have to really mean this statement (wink).
Step 4 – Your personality has more than one side to it
You might be a bold guy, but what about your shy sensitive side? It’s weird to imagine, but girls are attracted to men for all sorts of different reasons. Men are attracted to women usually by looks, compatibility, and loyalty.
Women want specific traits – strong men with vulnerability or vulnerable men who display strength.
Step 5 – Spend some time away from your friend
Take some time off. Don’t call, facebook, or text your ‘friend’ for a while, and see how your life changes.
If you’re tempted, or she contacts you, you’re going to have to say that your life has been crowded lately and you need some time to find yourself.
Two ideas make perfect sense and no sense simultaneously with the friend zone.
There’s the old idea from ASF that goes like: go out with ten other people, then come back and see how special your crush was.
This may be crude and rude, but it has some validity. If you can fall in love with someone else, that ‘friend’ is not going to seem so special.
Alternatively, the other idea is to make your ‘friend’ feel jealous by having a lot of women around you.
For the average guy, this may seem like an impossible task. How am I supposed to get a bunch of women to notice me, let alone one woman?
That’s the crux of the issue. What is holding you back from accomplishing what you want out of life?
It’s not the women who have to change in this situation, it’s you. Somehow, you have to make a plan to get over your current situation and get your life going in the direction you want to go.
In my opinion, I disagree with both GFTOW and the social proof/getting tons of ‘value’ idea. I suggest improving your immediate life.
First off, think in general what you want to accomplish in the next two weeks. Do you want to go on a trip to an exciting city like Austin, Texas? Do you want to get an A on that midterm? Do you want to get some food?
What do these activities have in common?
These activities will either give you a jolt of testosterone, or will drop your mood like the stock market.
Because we men are motivated by testosterone, we have to realize that our behavior is ultimately the result of various levels of testosterone, and similarly the hormone cortisol.
You don’t need to be an incredible athlete to get a jolt of testosterone from your daily life. Playing chess, or any one-on-one competition will provide a boost to your self-esteem.
It’s not exactly inner-game, it’s just simple activity. Go out and DO something.
The other good way to raise your testosterone is getting enough sleep. There is a connection between sleep and testosterone production.
If you don’t have any money, there are plenty of cheap and free activities that will raise your testosterone: slap boxing with your friends, do some free-style walking, embarrass yourself in public, climb trees, and even beat boxing in public. Go on an adventure, it’s good for you!
The point is that you can control how you feel by accomplishing something, even if it’s small.
If you can think of one chore in your life that needs to get done right now, quit reading this article and go do it!