We all know what BP’s punishment for polluting the Gulf of Mexico is going to be: more contracts to drill around the world. Let’s face facts in their Joan Rivers-size butt-ugly face. Big multinational corporations simply DO NOT GET PUNISHED. The executives in charge of this debacle will get raises and bonuses and even if they are forced to leave the company, they will get themselves a job with the kind of salary and perks that people who do their job well will never get in a million years.
The execs in charge of putting in a place a faulty drilling system and then hiding its flaws and then covering up those flaws and then lying about how those flaws had not created all that bad a situated need to be severely punished. And I’m not talking about fines. I’m not even talking about jail time. No, I think I have the perfect sentence that EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WORKS AT BP WITH A VP OR ABOVE IN THEIR TITLE SHOULD FACE.
BP is not even really trying to clean up the oily mess on the Gulf of Mexico. And those, like me, who live along that coast don’t see why we should be the ones to do it. But I’ll tell you a little secret. I would spend 12 hours a day cleaning up the oil if I could make my punishment come true.
I also might add that every single politician who ever voted against regulating the oil drilling industry should also be a part of this punishment. Especially those politicians who are crying for regulation now and who are crying for government assistance when they went on the campaign warpath to cry out against the stimulus money (that they all secretly accepted, by the way). Frankly, I would personally like the job of delivering my special brand of punishment to the man who may well be the single biggest hypocrite in the Senate today: John Boehner. Failing that, I’ve love to deliver my punishment to the South’s fattest Governor: Haley Barbour. Only in Mississippi, I swear to God!
At any rate, here is my idea for how to punish BP execs and the American politicians who share responsibility for the oil spill debacle.
We gather up all the oil that can be skimmed from either above or below the surface. Then we transfer that oil into a container. The container is attached to a helicopter. The helicopter is flow to the houses of BP executives. And then the container is emptied and the entire bulk of recovered oil is allowed to drop peacefully and oh-so-deservingly onto those very nice and expensive houses in which BP execs currently spend time eating from polished silverware and expensive China while they laugh their ass of at all you stupid people who continue to vote for politicians that support increasing offshore drilling.