Working as a writer’s dog is never easy, but it’s a job that we take quite seriously. Some think it’s a lazy dog’s job, or that it’s a job for dogs who try to avoid responsibility, but nothing could be further from the truth! From the second you get up in the morning, until the late hours of the evening, you’re on the clock and working to earn that kibble. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll get a couple of treats of “c-o-o-k-i-e-s” as the Boss says. That’s just gravy.
Hello. We’re Rube and Coco and we’re writer’s dogs.
How We Got Our Jobs
Coco: Rueben was the first writer’s dog in the house and, thusly, established the basic rules of the trade. He takes his job very seriously and has never missed a day’s work in the 4 years that he’s been employed. While some might imagine a job like this to be montonous, particularly after 4 years doing the same tasks, day in and day out, Rube performs his tasks with a quiet stoicism that demands admiration.
Rube: Dignified. I consider it to be a very dignified position.
Coco: Yes. Dignified. You heard it, straight from the dog’s mouth!
Do you want to tell your story? I mean, you know it much better than I do.
Rube: You’re doing fine. Continue.
Coco: Okay. Well, so Rube is a reformed criminal. He spent time in the pokey before our boss posted his bail and the released him into her custody. Such a day though. Awful place, prison. They took his manhood in the–
Rube: You don’t need to elaborate. I believe in that whole “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” schpiel.
Coco: Anyhow, so he was in the pokey and our boss bailed him out. Of course, her assistant at the time said that Rueben would be nothing but trouble, seeing as how he was a terrier and all. No wonder why she got sacked and the bosslady hired us instead. Nothing could be further from the truth. I mean, Rube’s never any trouble…well, unless the boss leaves him alone for too long. Then, he does have that bowel pro–
Rube: Again with the too much information! But yeah, Momm–err the bosslady picked me up and took me home. Got me an appointment with the veterinarian and then started me on some high end kibble to help with my stomach issues. Yeah, she did right by me, so I’m more than happy to lend my services. Now, Coco –
Coco: That’s me! That’s me!
Rube: Yes, Coco came to help out after her Mommy had an accident and had to go to the hospital.
Coco: Ohhh I was so scared!
Rube: Right…scared of her shadow. She ran away from every little noise, every movement, every —
Coco: I’m not like that now. I’m fierce! I’m ferocious! I’m Chihuahua, hear me roar!
Rube: Yeah, yeah…you’re tough alright. *sneezes*
What the Job Entails
Rube: Our day starts when the boss lady gets up. First thing she does is heads off through a door and spends several minutes in there. Our job, at this point, is to stand vigil outside the door and wait for her return. If she stays in there too long, we will check at the bottom of the door for signs of life and may even call out to her and scratch the door. Fortunately, she always emerges safe and sound, but she feeds us breakfast afterwards, so apparently we’re doing our job properly.
Next, we get a 10-minute bathroom break to do our duty. I like to kill two squeaky toys with one bite and I go out and assist the boss by lifting my leg and watering her aloe plants. Mind you, this is not for the faint of heart (of for dogs who don’t balance well on three legs). Aloes are surprisingly prickly!
Coco: I water the tree!
Rube: Yes, Coco. You’re very helpful.
So next, we’re on to oversee the virtual bunnies. This is another thing you don’t want to ask about, but the boss lady is very diligent, so I give this my utmost attention. Overseeing the bunnies usually takes about an hour and involves her walking in circles, mumbling “Where did I put…” for most of the time. But then, when that is done, it’s time to get to writing!
Coco: Yay writing!
Rube: Yay writing. So to help our writer out, we immediately take up our positions. These positions are behind and just to the either side of the boss lady’s chair, elevated up to a point where we can either approch from the side or stand up and peek over her shoulder as she writes. For elevational (is that a word?) purposes, we use her bed. It’s firm and quite high up off the ground, requiring a little head start and, in Coco’s case, losing a few pounds in order to get the right amount of lift.
Coco: I’m not fat. I’m big-boned! *picks up her big bone dog chew*
Rube: I’m not saying you’re fat. I know you’re big boned…It’s just… T-Rex didn’t have anything on them bones. *chuckle-wuffs*
Coco: You’re digesting.
Rube: I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘digressing,’ and yes, I am. So anyhow. Writing. We stay elevated behind her back, lest she swivel her chair or look at us. Because, you know, sometimes writers need inspiration.
Coco: Or kisses.
Rube: Or kisses.
Coco: Lots of kisses.
Rube: Lots of kisses. Or sometimes she may need someone to finish up a last bite of sandwich that she was eating or perhaps a chip.
Coco: And what’s that she says to the other people? That we wash her dishes for her, when she sets them down on the floor?
Rube: You could almost see yourself in them when we’re done.
We’re sort of… Renaissance dogs. We have a variety of talents. We’ve also been known to serve as bodyguards, alarms, and we can be more motivational than any poster with a whale on it. We clean up crumbs, so she needn’t vacuum, and we provide complimentary cat removal services, free of charge.
Coco: Yeah right…the cat pounced you the other day and you peed on your own leg!
So What’s the Job Pay?
Rube: It’s a lot of work…you’re on the job 24/7, but the pay is pretty good, being a writer’s best friend. You have free room and board, 2 squares a day, and all the Greenies and Yip Yaps you can gnaw through. On occasion, you might even get a Kong tossed your way with a little peanut butter. Not much to complain about, when you think of some of the jobs other dogs have to perform. Herd sheep? I don’t think so. Catch frisbees? Maybe if my legs suddenly grew.
No, the job of writer’s dog is a tough one, but one perfectly suited to a fine, scholarly pup such as myself. It’s a job I love… The dog treats and squeaky toys are simply job perks.
Applying for a Position as a Writer’s Dog
Rube: So you want to be a writer’s dog?
Coco: Who wouldn’t want to be?
Rube: Applying for a job is pretty easy. Sometimes the cuteness factor comes into play but, for the most part, the writer’s dog must simply be willing to go above and beyond. Give 110%. They know when to be quiet and they always offer support and encouragement, whether with a wagging tail or a head laid across the leg. Such simple gestures of affection will carry you far in the career of writer’s best friend.
Coco: Give it a try! You may find that the position of a writer’s dog may be just the career for you, furry friend!
**Rube is a 5 year old Boston Terrier, rescued from the local dog pound, and Coco is a 6 year old Chihuahua who joined our family after her elderly owner passed on. Together, they help to inspire and encourage their own personal writer, encouraging her on to new heights. Thank you, wuffies. I love you.**