There are some things that just do not go together: whip cream and soy sauce; punk music and salsa dancing; saunas and sweat suits. Likewise there are some things that a guy should never, ever wear.
1. V-neck t-shirts
Speaking as a woman, v-neck t-shirts on men are so utterly disgusting. A v-shaped neckline is not flattering to a man’s broad shoulders and it draws too much attention to his adam’s apple. V-necks are especially gross on men with hairy chests. Even as an undershirt – because yes we women can see it – don’t wear a v-neck. Straight or gay or metro … just don’t do it.
2. Skinny jeans
I realize that super tight jeans on guys are all the rage in the younger-than-thirty age group. I also realize that some celebrity women have publicly stated they find men in a women’s size 0 jean sexy. I say bull crap; they’re lying. No women is attracted to a man’s privates being smashed and suffocated. It is not sexy when a man’s pants are so tight he can barely walk. When his pants are so tight that his ankles look smaller than his wrists, that looks unbalanced. It is not the picture of a strong, healthy, independent guy. You might be a guy with chicken wings for legs – so be it. But we don’t want to see them wrapped up in cellophane for jeans.
3. White socks with black pants
The only man who could pull this off (barely) was Michael Jackson. Whether its black jeans, black slacks or black dress pants, white socks are laughably tacky. The impression it gives when men wear white socks with black pants is that he is clueless. Not the message you want to send to a potential employer, a new girlfriend, or the tough guy fixing your radiator. You are not a doofus and you are not the King of Pop, so wear black socks with black pants.
4. Sequins
Some male figure skaters insist on wearing leotards with sequins. It doesn’t work. Even though they may be displaying feminine expressions and portraying less-than-manly feelings, sequins are nothing but a distraction. Furthermore, men who wear sequins on their ‘dressy’ shirts appear ridiculous.
5. Crocs
I once saw a male caterer in his white chef’s outfit wearing purple crocs. My first thought was “What a moron”. Now he probably wasn’t a moron; he was probably a very talented chef and savvy businessman because he was catering at a rather high-end business function. It was the crocs that ruined it all. No matter how beautiful his table display, no matter how delicious the food, he had zero chance of being called back because of the way he presented himself. What you put on your feet represents the quality of your character. Crocs scream sloppy, careless, procrastinator. If you think they are more comfortable that your sneakers or cowboy boots, then only wear them at home.
6. Oversized jeans that hang below your cheeks
Again, I realize this is a fashion trend. Some guys even wear stylish boxers to be seen with their sagging jeans. It doesn’t look good! If people around you wanted to see your underwear, then they would invite you into their bedroom. Since they didn’t invite you, they don’t want to see. Keep your underwear covered. And wearing jeans that are so big that the waist sits under your rear-end … foolish. You might get a nice breeze in your crack, but you can’t walk normal. And you look like a repugnant ignoramus. Pull your pants up and walk like a man.
7. Fishnet (aka Mesh)
Only women should wear fishnet, and only as stockings. Fishnet and Mesh do not belong on clothing. It’s mostly musicians and body builders that continue to wear mesh fabric. They really shouldn’t. (Billy Idol didn’t look attractive in his mesh shirts.) Besides being out-dated, it has the look of ‘trying too hard’. Revealing without showing it all, isn’t really necessary. Women can tell if they are attracted to a man’s body by his general shape and by the way he moves. Not because they saw through his shirt.
