Halo montages are awesome, kickass, and fun to watch – but are often, quite misleading. Following are six lies I learned from watching tons of Halo montages.
Waves of clumsy people fall foolishly into bullets – often
When watching Halo montages it’s often hard to determine if the player is a total 1337 pwnzer or if he’s just up against a bunch a nimrods. If you watched lots of Halo montages, you’d be lead to believe that every bullet shot, always finds – and executes – a target. Not only do montage kids manage to kill enemies; they manage to kill all enemies in sight. While this phenomenon looks cool in YouTube videos, I dare you to try and shoot randomly at competitive opponents and see how that works out for you.
Teammates mean nothing
Teammates? What are those? Footage for Halo montages usually take place in some sort of Team Slayer variant – yes, this includes MLG – but Teammates never get credit for jack. In Halo montages teammates are just too lucky people that get to watch live montage awesomeness via Xbox Live. While watching these videos, one can only feel sorry for the fella that is draining all of the shields that the montage kid is putting the finishing touches on.
Gunshots synch up perfectly with music soundtracks
If you’re online gameplay has been sucking lately – or always sucks – there’s one thing you can do to make everything better; turn on some montage music. It’s obvious by watching montages that all gunshots match up perfectly with musical soundtracks. To get better at playing Halo and to possibly become a montage kid yourself, all you’ll need to do is play heavy guitar laden themes in the background to rule Halo online.
Luck is more important than skill
Practice means nothing, to be a real montage kid, you’ll have to be one heck of a lucky fellow. If you practice hard, you’ll be a good player but if you’re lucky you can just do random stuff and you’ll get results regardless of skill levels. Being lucky will allow you to throw random sticky grenades and get kills, spin around in circles and get headshots, and snipe at areas with no opponents only to have one spawn and take a sniper shot to da face.
There are only 3 weapons in matchmaking
I was recently playing Halo matchmaking and saw all of these guys running around with weird weapons that I’ve never seen before. Everyone who watches montages know that there are only three weapons: Battle Rifles, Sniper Rifles, and grenades – well, unless you also consider melee a weapon.
Retreating is for cowards
If you’re a montage kid, health shields mean nothing, there’s no need for cover, and you’ll be able to take on entire teams by yourself – why? Because, you are a god, that’s why? Watching montages will lead you to believe that no matter what the odds are, no matter how many enemies are shooting at you, and no matter the weapon that you’re packing, you can overcome any circumstances by merely knowing that you can do so.
For more, read Halo 3: How to Know If You’re Being Aimboted or Just Up Against a Good Player, Halo: Reach Pre-Order Sells Hit Over 900,000 – Sure to Top 1 Million, and 5 Quick Ways to Determine If You’re a Halo 3 Addict.
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