I’ve had to squirm out of many situations before, but nothing compares to the few things I’ve done that were absolutely repulsive to the public. I’m a sarcastic and ruthless person at times and these next 5 things I’ve done prove it. I’m not the nicest person in the world but I’m not the most disgusting person in the world either. Yet, sometimes I don’t think and just say or do the first thing that comes to mind.
Here are the 5 rudest things I’ve done in recent memory.
5. I did not hold the door for the ladies
Now I’m not an arrogant prick and I do hold the door for people, just not this time. Maybe I was caught up with some other IMPORTANT business or maybe I just felt like being a little prick. I’m still kind of young and often immature and this mistake would make others spit on me and make girls want to strangle me.
Yeah so I was walking to class one day and there were these two hideous girls behind me. I’m not joking, they were ugly looking chicks. I’m talking anorexic looking, bulimic, messy, dirty, very filthy ugly chicks. Now I didn’t hold the door because of their ugliness, instead it was for my own selfish needs
I was in a very bitter mood that day because I received a really bad grade on my calculus exam. So I took it out on these two girls. They were the only ones in sight at the time and I couldn’t hold in my frustration.
So….
They were right behind me all smiles and giggles but just as I opened the door to go outside, I kept moving. I did not hold the door for them and they were right behind me. As I continued walking I heard them whisper, “wow what a total douche”. I have to admit I was, but I promise to god that I would never do such a terrible thing again. At least until I get another bad grade, thank you professor Taylor.
4. I burped very loudly at a formal event
Gross!
You betcha it was. I couldn’t contain myself. I had shrimp, chicken, beef, eggs, fish, ten glasses of soda, some carbonated water, and it all just came out in a flash. Maybe it was the fish. Anyway, I was invited to a formal event hosted at this fancy restaurant.
I ate all of this food and just as Mr. John Bailey was speaking about the disrespect that teenagers today show, I let it rip. It was like an earthquake, the table shook, the people screamed and panic, and I was very satisfied. The beef was out of this world, the guest were not but what was I supposed to do, hold it on. Come on, things don’t work that way, we’re not animals.
Still, I was looked down upon the rest of the evening so maybe I should have tried to keep it down or use a napkin. Oh well, what’s done is done. Needless to say, I probably won’t get another invite from Mr. Sheffield again.
3. I tripped my friend as he ran
This one had me in stitches for the rest of the day. Was it really a rude thing to do? Not for me it wasn’t. My friend, the supposed first Indian basketball player, was talking smack about how good he is at the game. Well he’s pretty good for a novice but it wasn’t enough to hold me down. After hours of play and pathetic smack talk, I laid things on the ground, mostly him (not in a sick way).
He challenged me to a race so I cleverly accepted. We began and I let him win. Here comes the best part.
He ran toward me, I moved out of the way, and stuck my foot long foot out. He could not stop and boom, there it was. He completely busted his ass and landed face down onto the pavement. I laughed like a mad man and he was holding his hands against his face as it bled.
After about ten to fifteen minutes of hysterical laughter while he bled uncontrollably, I decided to help him. I know, I know, I’m such a goody two shoes but I can’t help that I’m nice like that. I still crack up whenever I think about that day and if it weren’t for his fall, the rest of the day would have sucked. First Indian NBA star, I don’t think so.
2. I cut-off at least ten people while driving
Don’t you hate traffic jams or slow people? I hate them with a passion, add to that another horrible day, and here comes the road rage. Being from New Jersey, road rage is pretty common around here. I should know, I’ve been cut off numerous times and this time I decided to return the favor.
When I cut off the first person because she was driving too slow, there was no harm done. She didn’t honk or anything, no finger, no return cut-off, nothing. The next guy was a bit different because I saw him flip me off. He wasn’t driving too slow but it was still too slow for my taste.
Than the fun began, oh how I love the highway and rush hour (well not really but that day was special). I started cutting people off like there was no tomorrow and there almost wasn’t one based on my hostile driving skills. I was ripping those roads apart like a psychopathic freak of nature. I roared at 90mph to cut off some old guy, than even higher, 95, to cut off this permit driving teenage girl. I continued my sadistic quest and cut off a few more people in the same fashion, oh what a day that was.
By the time it was all set and done, I cut off a total of ten people, four guys, and six girls. Along the way, I got cussed, flipped off, honked at for minutes at a time, some tried racing to catch up to me, some tried cutting me off, but I succeeded that day and I couldn’t be more proud. I also nearly risked severe injury because I almost collided with a 16 wheeler.
So kids, don’t ever drive like I did on that day, you could get yourself killed or worse, someone could cut you off. Be afraid of the deadly roads and have a pleasant day.
1. I called a girl FAT, not PHAT
This one is a societal no-no. Don’t ever, ever, if your a guy, call a girl fat! It’s the rudest thing anyone can do and I sure learned my lesson. Except for one thing: This Girl Was Enormous. I just couldn’t help myself.
It all started when I and my friend decided to get some food to eat. We went to Burger King, it was sometime in the afternoon, around or just after the lunch hours, and I was ordering some food. While I was waiting for my meal, this tank of a woman stepped into the BK. She was an elephant of elliptical proportions. Wow what a whale of a woman, I bet her belt size did say equator.
When she walked in, my eyes tripled in size, I felt like I was witnessing a Guinness Book of World Record right before my eyes. The first thing I thought off, or maybe the second thing, was why was she here. Eat a salad, put down the fork, or go to Subway’s.
I heard her order too and she got two large fries, four 4 piece nuggets, two whoppers, and a milkshake. I guess she must of been on a diet. Normally she’d just order everything on the left side of the menu.
Anyway, as she ordered and waited, I was still waiting (fast food, I don’t think so). I looked at her and she looked at me. She started talking to me and asked me why I was looking at her. She looked like she was in her late 20s plus like 500 pounds. When she asked me that question, at first, I didn’t know how to respond.
Then, I just couldn’t help myself and I even thought that it might do her some good. I told her that she shouldn’t be here eating this crap. Then I told her that she was too fat to get through the door and that she should be on a treadmill (if they ever make an infinite weight capacity).
She just stared at me the whole time and didn’t say a word. I got my food and she got hers simultaneously. At the end of it all, she never responded to my comments. Instead she just took her food and sat at the two large booths available and that was that. No confrontation took place, but I did feel really guilty about some of the things that I said.
I mean I didn’t know her story and maybe there was a reason why she was so big, but it was too late. It was by far the rudest thing that I have ever done and next time I will think before I speak. I do hope she is doing well and if she ever reads this, I want her to know that I’m sorry, sort of.
Well there you have it, the 5 rudest things that I can remember. Will the rude trend continue? Probably. I can’t be nice all the time and neither can the rest of the world. The best solution is either to apologize or just stick it out. Chances are karma will bite you in the butt and you’ll get the same rude treatment that you’ve given to someone else..
Ciao
More from Chris:
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10 Pet Beeves: Biggest and Most Annoying Nuisances
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