Having my wife play the role of hardcore gamer seems like a dream come true, in theory, but if I woke up tomorrow and my wife was a hardcore gamer it’d turn out to be a living nightmare. The following are five reasons I’m grateful that my wife doesn’t “get” gaming.
1. Sharing isn’t always caring
You know the old saying; “sharing is caring” – well, this little ditty of a saying doesn’t hold true in the world of gaming. Playing video games is personal ordeal and a gamer’s joy pad is bound to the gamer’s soul, much like that of a Samurai’s sword. As things currently are, gaming is a great way for me to escape the stress of everyday life and totally take out all of my personal frustrations on random noobs in online gameplay; but if my wife were to become a hardcore gamer, gaming could end up being yet another headache in everyday life for me to deal with.
Having to play nonstop co-op games on a split screen while giving up my personal gaming time could be enough to make gaming with my wife insufferable, but it could get worse. Single player games would become control-hog sessions, cutesy casual games would take the forefront on my hardcore gaming consoles, and I’d lose half of my online friends due to dragging the “old lady” into all of my online battles.
2. Gaming could put a hold on other “fun activities”
Gaming can turn an ordinary person into an obsessed compulsive high score addict, with no sense of time and an insatiable appetite for clocking in game hours. This type of behavior might seem awesome at first, but after a few days of this behavior, you’ll come to realize a horrifying truth – you haven’t gotten any “action” outside of first person shooters. Turning my wife into a hardcore gaming zombie could put a damper on the old love life and gaming culture could lead to a more relaxed standard of personal hygiene in the household – and that just isn’t sexy.
3. Absolutely nothing would get done
If my wife became as obsessed with video games as I am, absolutely nothing would get done around the house. Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying here. I’m not a chauvinist and I’m not implying that if my wife didn’t cook or clean, no one would, but I am saying that if my wife didn’t remind me that there was a world outside of Gamesville and – even worse – joined by my side as a gamer; absolutely nothing would get done. The house would be in shambles, the kids would go unfed, bills would never get paid, and both her and I would die from starvation if my wife no longer pulled me from my gaming trance.
4. Video game arguments are bound to take place
“Idiot! Why didn’t you capture the flag? You were right there!”; “We almost won, WTF were you thinking?”; “FlirtyChickGamer6969XOXO and I are just friends”; “Are you serious? I know you did not just save over my profile!” In the world of gaming, minor things are a huge deal and playing a hardcore game with the misses will surely lead to some unfortunate domestic situations. My wife and I would argue as much and my brother and I did when the Nintendo first came out if she became a fellow gaming addict.
5. There’s no going back
The worse thing that would happen if my wife became a hardcore gamer (like myself) is that there would be no going back to the way things were. Sure, she’d understand why I love games as much as I do and I’d never be without a fragging partner, but I’d suffer having to have a hardcore gamer as a wife for the rest of my life. Once you’ve gone gamer, there’s no going back. Once that gamer part of the brain is unlocked and opened there’s no return. It’s like a dog that’s grown a taste for blood; you’ll either have to grow accustomed to a blood hungry dog or put your dear old pup “down for good” [ok, very bad analogy there].
Just imagining the parallel universe that exists with my wife as a hardcore gamer makes me appreciate the lovely book nerd that my wife is, and from now on, when my wife fusses at me for being on the game for too long, I’ll just smile and appreciate the fact that she doesn’t understand.
For more read 5 Reasons Adding Your Girlfriend on Facebook is a Bad Idea, How GameCrush Will Hurt the Image of Online Female Gamers, and 10 Video Games We Keep Buying, but Haven’t Changed in Eons.
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